Shine, Don't Shrink: The Courage to Own Your Greatness
Why Celebrating Yourself Isn't Boasting
This morning, as I was designing my new course Leading Mindfully, I started wrestling with a thought: “Don’t let it get to your head.”
The thought came because I was reviewing feedback from clients, aiming to learn and improve my courses and their outcomes, and I honestly found myself struggling to take in so much positivity.
I noticed a sort of tormenting sense around an unspoken commandment floating in our culture:
"Thou shall never speak words of praise about thyself."
This widespread misunderstanding has been suffocating our potential for generations.
My own children—bless their hearts— roll their eyes every time I dare to speak a word that might reflect well on myself. Even when I'm being humble! As a Spaniard, my mind resists this. I am dying to share my joys with them!
How do we actually own our successes and use them to propel us forward—while staying humble?
Is there a way to share our pride without sounding boastful or being criticised?
Or do we need to shrink ourselves in order to belong?
The Invisible Cage of False Humility
Many people were taught to repress and hide their positive emotions in early life. This is tragic. What's tragic is that it gives the sense that there is something to be embarrassed about, rather than celebrated.
But repressing our positive emotional states is not humility. It's fear of being judged, disliked or rejected dressed up in false modesty.
Making ourselves smaller than we are entraps us in an invisible cage for the sake of appearing humble. But the reality is that humility can be felt and shown even when we are celebrating ourselves or our achievements.
So long as you are not comparing yourself to others or implying anyone else is less than you, why can’t you be honest about the positive with as much matter-of-factness as when you relate an event?
The Delicious Emotions of Authenticity
My approach to leadership is about Leading from the Inside Out.
The more we practice self-connection, mindfulness and being present with ourselves, the more aware we become, and not just of difficult thoughts or emotional states. We start recognising the positive within ourselves and the positive we bring into the world. It comes with elation and pleasant-type emotions.
If we let those exist, they build resilience, and harmony.
Being more aware of and connected to yourself means noticing and feeling all emotional states— the positive as well. Joy, satisfaction, the delicious emotions that come when our needs are met, when we feel competent, when we see we've improved somebody's life or created meaningful change.
Repressing these emotions amounts to being less honest with ourselves. We miss something huge when we bypass celebrations or silence our own joy.
Research shows that basking in the glow of positive emotion creates resilience. The more you sit with positive emotions, the more you can call on them when needed, helping yourself shift from difficult states.
And often, sharing what our heart is singing about doesn't just feel good - it amplifies the effect. And if done humbly, it also makes others feel great- the bystander effect.
Showing up in your Greatness is Bolder
Here's something that might challenge some people:
Showing ourselves is very different from showing off.
It’s more honest.
And it's much harder.
Because it's vulnerable. It's letting yourself be seen, with all the risks that come with that—being judged, being disliked, and (scariest of all for some) being truly known and cherished.
Let me try you with my own story of celebration today. I invite you to notice what you feel as you read:
Recently, I've been getting the most incredible feedback from my executive coaching clients. It keeps flowing.
They tell me I have a "magic wand" that makes everything clear. They say I help them lift clouds of confusion, layer their experiences in ways they've never understood. They say they finally shifted an old pattern. They say that years of therapy did not have the effect my course and coaching did.
And I feel so happy about this because I work so hard to design and deliver my courses. It gives me energy to push through the hard bits of my work and keep showing up. And it helps me know what I am doing that is working!
How was that? Did you think it was boastful?
They are facts, things actually said. Feelings I actually feel, effects that are real. And I promise you I feel humbled with each line of feedback… like an unexpected surprise: “oh, it worked again!”
If I downplayed these results, if I called it anything less than life-changing or game-changing, I'd be shortchanging my clients and their work.
And more importantly? I'd be fundamentally dishonest.
My clients do the real work. They get amazing effects. There is no benefit in downplaying that. They share it with me out of sheer delight and joy. And sometimes the feeling is just so full I want to share it with others in my world!
Importantly, if I'm not able to acknowledge the feedback, and own my part in facilitating their transformations, how will I learn?
I am really big on leading from your strengths and the positive. We cannot do that unless we fully own each and every celebration.
How will I detect my strengths and understand the cause of what is truly working? How will I improve on my courses if I can’t dwell in the wonderful?
An Invitation to show up more fully
Let us redefine what it means to be honest about the “good stuff”:
Honesty is not boastful.
Honesty is factual.
Honesty is clear and true.
Honesty movs and inspires.
Many times the facts point to you being awesome, extraordinary, and having achieved incredible things or having contributed to others and the world in extraordinary ways.
Let your efforts to improve yourself and create positive change be seen. Let you and what you create matter.
How can you actually express a celebration?
Be factual. Show cause and effect: I did this, and this was the result… and of course I have feelings about that!
I did this… or This happened…
I feel this about it…
and I want to share my celebration with you! (Share the needs in you that feel met from this experience.)
As an exercise, see if you can track these steps in my example above.
Be mindful not to downplay anyone else nor compare. There is room in the world for all of us to be celebrated.
Nothing is too small to be noticed and celebrated. Nothing is too big.
I invite you to reflect on this…
What's the cost of hiding your greatness?
The cost to you, the cost to the world?
I wrote about the cost of not being honest in my post Don’t be Nice, Be Real, It’s Much Healthier. (This is my most read post).
Not sharing our successes and pride makes us hesitant to grow into our best possible versions.
So I'm inviting you to ruffle some feathers with me. Speak your truth about who you are today. Don't make yourself small. Dare to celebrate.
Shine, don't shrink.
What celebrations have you been holding back?
Share your story in the comments. Own your greatness!
What’s Next
I'm incredibly excited to announce my new course Leading Mindfully starting March 1st. This is a month journey where we'll explore how to develop the presence and inner awareness that transforms leadership. It's designed for leaders who want to show up more authentically while creating lasting positive impact.
If we’ve not met yet…
Welcome, I’m Nati. I'd love to support your leadership journey in whatever way serves you best. If you're looking for deep transformation check out my signature 12-week Empathic Leader program (next cohort starts May 30th), or if you seek continuous growth, see LEAP's year-long journey.
I am taking in a few more executive coaching clients, schedule a call to discuss your needs and hopes and how I can support you with my background in neuroscience and Nonviolent Communication.
With gratitude, Nati