🌌 The Empathic Leader's Way: Master Self-Leadership: Lead by Example from the Inside Out
Unlock Your Inner Potential to Inspire and Lead Others Effectively
How do you become a respected, influential leader that creates positive ripples of change in the world? Self-leadership is the way.
Today I bring you the following topics:
🪬 Embrace leadership as a way of life
📋 Key reasons why you need to lead by example
🔑 Self-Leadership: The Foundation of Leading by Example
🌱 Leading by example even when you “fail”
🪬 Embrace leadership as a way of life
Being a good leader is not just about what you do:
… it is not managing people
… it is not people liking you
… it is not managing projects
… it is not even creating change
Leadership isn't something you do.
It's about how you do everything you do.
Leadership is something you live.
It's a way of being that others experience through you.
It is living your vision and mission in the here now as best you can.
What makes a good leader is being the kind of person that others willingly and eagerly want to and choose to follow. A person others trust. A person who has the capacity to handle complex human situations and bring them forward while caring for individual and collective needs.
These are the kinds of leaders that people admire and that make history. They achieve great things and seem to have a limitless capacity to influence and mobilise people.
Amazing leaders inspire, elevate, safeguard, and make decisions for the higher, common good.
Leadership is a way of being and living. It is acting from an integrated, embodied set of values and qualities that guide every decision and action.
📋 Key reasons why you need to lead by example
First, you want to engender trust in others.
Trust is absolutely necessary if you wish to influence and manage people towards getting things done, collaborating, etc.
For this, the key element to achieve this is CONGRUENCE.
Have you noticed that people scan for congruence and signs of incongruence all the time? It’s an instinct and it happens automatically and mostly subconsciously. It is a great way to detect safety or risk. And safety is the most primal human need.
You know situations where someone said one thing but it was clear they didn’t fully mean it or it wasn’t the whole truth. It makes you feel uneasy, doesn’t’ it? Hard to trust them.
Being congruent means:
… saying what you mean
… doing what you say
… speaking truthfully
Secondly, becoming your best version is a powerful way to inspire and elevate people.
There is no better way to guide, lead and teach than being that which you want to see in others. Doing what you expect them to do.
They will have a lived, felt experience of what is possible through you. This is what really inspires, this is what really teaches and guides.
Yes, it’s a tall order. But you are purpose-driven leader wanting to create wonderful things in the world, serve others, create positive change. So nothing less will do.
It is imperative you put in the effort to become the best version of yourself. This is how you will inspire. I believe that deep down each of us who have lofty visions and missions know this.
And the congruence of living the values and mission we propose feels wonderful inside and decreases inner stress tremendously.
Thirdly, leading by example grows your empathy.
You know first hand what others experience.
You know what it takes to hike that mountain or stay in late.
You know without being bitter or higher than anyone. You just know deep down what it’s like and have more spaciousness to understand others.
And empathy leads to compassion. Truly understanding others leads to kindness.
🔑 Self-Leadership: The Foundation of Leading by Example
I am proposing leading from the inside-out. First by learning to be a leader of your own person and life.
What is self-leadership?
If leadership is influencing and directing others towards a desired outcome, self-leadership is having influence over and being able to manage one’s own thoughts, emotions and actions towards a desired outcome.
I first came across the term “from the inside out” through reading Maria Montessori and her child-led pedagogy. She articulated something I was aiming to do with my first daughter, out of respect for her person, believing that the best outcome would come from letting her be guided internally. Montessori proposed that the human being develops for life and this development occurs from the inside out, guided by inner needs and tendencies. This concept has surfaced later in systems theories and other areas of science.
When you learn to lead yourself, and develop and grow from increased mindful awareness and presence, you get to know (and love) yourself. As you know yourself better, you will be better able to do it with others and support their inside-out growth. This makes for very happy people.
So…
What qualities in leadership do you wish to improve?
What qualities will you seek to live with greater congruence?
I have been thinking of what qualities serve purpose-driven leaders best, while I redesigned my year long programme starting in July. (Aside: I have a taster on June 27th, click here to register).
Here is a list to get you started. Simply find one quality that you feel is missing or would like to embody more this year, and keep it in mind daily and in your weekly reviews.
PRESENCE—being focused on the present moment, with yourself, and with others
AWARENESS, CLARITY- alertness, inward and outward
EMPATHY- understanding others deeply, listening to really get them (vs. an agenda)
AUTHENTICITY, HONESTY- of the radical sort, nothing left unsaid
CARE, DIPLOMACY- being fully honest, while not judging, with sensitivity to the receiver, in a way they can take in what you say (and be open to be influenced)?
ETHICAL- if influence is one core aim in leadership, how to do it in a value-driven way, with integrity and not taking advantage of others nor manipulating?
COLLABORATION- weaving connection and effective work dynamics, working as a unit for a shared purpose
INCLUSION- leaving no one behind, listening to and considering all voices without judgment, taking everyone into account, wirh sensitivity to who gets excluded and ways to avoid this
EFFECTIVENESS- identifying needs is not enough, you need to translate them into effective action that actually meet those needs
COMPASSION- kindness, wishing others well (and meaning it)
RESILIENCE- staying tough while open
GROWTH MINDSET- promoting growth and development in others
ADAPTIVE, FLEXIBLE- adaptability is key to resilience
COMMUNITY FOCUSED- always keeping the needs of everyone in mind
…
I wonder what draws you in? What will you seek more mastery in?
I am choosing awareness honesty, authenticity as my main focus this year.
🌱 Leading by example when you “fail”
The more you show yourself vulnerably as a human being, the more people around you will adopt your kind way of being with yourself.
It is more honest and real to show your shortcomings and the times you fall short of expectation. And to show others what you do internally, how you can still relate to yourself in a way that is compassionate and understanding. This will build trust.
Of course, you also need to take responsibility for how what you did or didn’t do affected others. Not hide it. Be bold and honest.
The first tip I can give you is to watch your mindset and keep a positive attitude.
I personally avoid using words like “mistake,” “failure” and “fail.” Why?
I believe in positive psychology.
I know well about our tendency towards negativity, the negativity bias that makes it a lot easier for us to focus on the negative. The negative is sticky. And I don’t want to be stuck thinking I fail or that I am a failure when things don’t come out as I hoped for.
Instead, as all respectable coachend as leaders do, I cultivate a view of “failings” or things that don’t go as hoped for or expected as opportunities to learn and progress.
So, when I flop, when I come short, when my actions or communication are less than perfect, or when I didn’t deliver on time… I take it as FACT. I analyse and plan for better outcomes in the future.
This is where the NVC process of 4 steps is wonderful and useful to shift any inner negativity. I can feel the loss and compost it to positive understanding and better actions in the future.
Incidentally… I am going to show you how to do this on the L.E.A.D. programme taster coming up at the end of the month.
The second tip is to cultivate self-compassion, daily, all the time.
See yourself fully, see the reasons why you did or did not do what you did or didn’t. And what led you to make the choices that you actually made, or do things in the way you did.
Seeing myself fully without criticism, with kindness, really helps me shift my emotions and become clearer in my thinking. It takes presence and the willingness to accept my humanity in its fullness and not make myself wrong.
Lastly, and really importantly, take responsibility.
Acknowledge and take responsibility for the consequences of your actions and for improving what went wrong. Show a willingness to learn and put in the work to fix things, and most importantly, to improve those areas and skills you require to do things better next time.
If you snapped at someone, go and apologise humbly. If you need support, take a communications class or get a coach to help you.
Conclusion
Want to be an amazing leader?
Start with self-leadership. Lead by example.
Live the qualities you want to see in others.
If you want people to collaborate… learn to collaborate and weave in collaboration around you.
If you want people to be understanding and empathetic… learn to listen with empathy and learn the 3 dimensions of empathy (read my blog post Empathic Leadership Explained: Leading with Heart)
Ways to work with me
L.E.A.D. yearly programme. Starting July 1st.
An in-depth course in mindfulness, NVC and positive psychology.
Taster Session on June 27th, click here to register
Early bird bonus: A couple of spots left. Get 1 free executive coaching session with me.
12 week The Empathic Leader training. You can add yourself to the waiting list for the next series starting at the end of September 2024.
An intensive training and mentoring experience dedicated to honing your emotional intelligence, empathy, and compassionate communication skills through Nonviolent Communication, mindfulness, executive coaching and neuroscience.
Be the leader you have longed to be and inspire others to be their best. Add yourself to the waiting list: natibeltran.com/empathic-leader-course.
THE EMPATHIC LEADER SANDBOX- Drop-in informal one hour practice sessions with other leaders. Bring your relational/ communication problems and let’s work on them together. 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of each month, 15:00-16:00 BST (London). Information and Registration to get the link here.
Leadership coaching packages and custom trainings for your organisation and teams. Information at natibeltran.com
About me
If you are new to this newsletter, welcome. I am a neuroscientist and certified Nonviolent Communication trainer and executive coach by the ICF (amongst other things).
I run Bright Communication; a leadership development company committed to building a more sustainable and compassionate world. Our mission is to help leaders, managers and organisations develop the empathic leadership skills necessary to fulfil the promise of the Global Goals.
My book blending Montessori and neuroscience for parents has just been published in Spanish. Watch this space for the English counterpart in the future. To purchase and to be updated on events, go here.