🌌 When you surpass your expectations of yourself
Are you holding yourself back from dreaming and achieving as big as you are capable of? I clearly am!
I hope you have had a nice week. For me, running a half marathon has given me some deep insights about myself. I surpassed what I thought was possible for myself… now what?
Today, I share:
🎯 How I set too small a goal
➡️ How I nearly made what I never would have believed possible
✅ I did it… now what?
🏃♀️ Kathrine Switzer: A trailblazer runner-leader who made history
🎯 How I set too small a goal
Being totally honest and vulnerable, I have a tendency to underestimate myself. My best friends offer this reflection at times. And yet, I had to really feel it to take it in- almost be knocked by the realisation.
I believe that my self-doubt comes mainly from my history of growing up in the very patriarchal, macho Spanish society, the effects of which trickled down to my parents dynamics. My dad believed that his role as alpha male was to exert control over my mum and acted in violent and suppressive ways. To his credit, he tackled several entrenched social biases and he did change in the last 3 decades of his life. But the societal, generational mark was left in me as a woman.
My model of a woman was definitely one where if you excel, you get pushed down and trouble begins. Of course, this pattern replicated many times in school and later in my main relationship. So I subconsciously adopted a certain way to lift up others and make myself smaller than I can be. It is easy for me to blend, to keep harmony, to not draw too much attention. And if my goals are modest, it keeps me satisfied enough while safe enough.
When I registered to run a half marathon, I definitely started with too low a goal, a reflection of my doubt in my abilities. I told myself:“I am not a natural runner”, “running is hard for me”, “I am slow”— all true things. But believing them kept me nice and cosy.
And yet, there is a passion inside me, an unstoppable urge to better myself and achieve big things to try to make the world a little bit better as a result. I imagine you have a similar passion. My values and vision propel me forward fighting for what I believe is worthwhile.
And in running, this means pushing through my discomfort to get better and get that delayed gratification which seems so far away on a rainy day as your face is being slapped by the raindrops or when your muscles ache or seem to falter.
Running is one of the things I love most in life. It helps me stay stronger and feel youthful. It makes me more creative, more clear thinking, more emotionally balanced. All good things to help me pursue my mission. So, my running aims are really important to me because the benefits are so huge.
And yet, I started with the very modest goal of running the half marathon in the average time for my age (2 hours 20 minutes). I didn’t even know if I was capable of finishing when I started training. I better play it safe, especially as I would be running for a child’s Charity, Grief Encounter.
➡️ How I nearly made what I never would have believed possible
Luckily I had a series of hidden goals. I started by doubling the fundraising aim (the charity also was too conservative). I aimed for running a 10K run in less than an hour… and eventually achieved it mid training.
This made me wonder… what if I could do the whole race at that pace? What if I could do the 21K in less than 2 hours (that was really ambitious for me at my training level).
I pushed my training, I pushed me on race day. I did make the first higher goal, and came out 14 minutes better than my age’s average at 2:06 hours. that put me close the being able to run 21K in less than 2 hours, as the conditions were rough at the end with headwinds and dropping temperatures.
And what if I pushed myself to fundraise even more than double the requested amount?… I tried. And ended up raising three times as much as Grief Encounter asked.
In retrospect, watching these hidden hopes, I see that a part of myself is really committed to supporting me to grow and really believes in my potential and capability to achieve great things. I find this reassuring, that I have an inner supporter. Because it was not always like this and I was often stuck with the doubtful and critical voices.
This whole running experience has put a huge dent on my doubts about what I am capable of. It has expanded me and shown me I am much stronger than I thought and have the perseverance it takes to go for much larger dreams and to push all of my hidden dreams to the forefront and aim to make them a reality— in exercise, in life, in business.
What would happen it we all dreamed bigger and aimed at higher goals?
✅ I did it… Now what?
Once a target is reached, there is an initial high. Soon, the brain chemical cocktail shifts and there is a sense of deflation. The all too familiar, “now what?” And an urgency to pursue the next target. I definitely let myself enjoy the success and really take it in.
As I integrate the insight that I can own bigger goals and go for them, I wonder how can I use the new information about myself to direct me forward?
My goals are more like intentions to train myself
For me, goals are like intentions. I don’t use them to push myself beyond what I am willing to do. I use them to test and play my inner boundaries and limitations. I use them to train myself to withstand more discomfort (not pain) and engage the willingness to do things I don’t feel like doing or things that feel hard.
Truly groundbreaking research in neuroscience has shown that a particular area of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) gets stronger and literally grows when we do things we don’t feel like doing. And likewise it shrinks when we don’t! The ACC is key in controlling impulses, emotional regulation and decision-making. It is key in self-discipline. The more we choose to do things that are hard, the more our capacity to be disciplined, persevere and succeed builds— a story I will write about later.
For me, running is the perfect ground to practice this self-discipline and living with discomfort and even unmet needs in the moment. And to balance it with empathy for myself.
I have set my next goal quite a bit higher
My next goal will be to run another half marathon in less than 2 hours. That is quite a clip for me and it will keep me training hard for a few months. And the next goal after that? i.e. my secret dream that I will hold in the back of my mind in case I do better than I think. The secret dream is to run a full marathon.
I know people do this all the time, but for me it is a huge deal. I gave up that idea long ago. Twenty years ago I was training for a marathon and in great shape when I got pregnant. Then my body changed so much that running hard was out of the question for years while I had children and recovered. I love keeping that window open and see what I am capable of, without pressure, but with passion.
🏃♀️ Kathrine Switzer: Paving the Way for Trailblazing Leaders
Ever feel like you're hitting roadblocks in your leadership left and right? I certainly felt that way last week, just before the race. I had two hugely difficult events to contend with that left me drained (I wrote about the first on here, and the challenge only got worse!). Luckily the half marathon helped me burn off some of the accumulated physiological effects of the stress.
This week I am incredibly inspired by 76-year-old Kathrine Switzer, a woman who literally ran through hers! She is my runner-leader idol. She also feels like a normal human being, so it feels doable for me to emulate her.
In April 1967, at just 20 years old, Kathrine set out to run the Boston Marathon. What she didn’t realise is that she wasn't just running for herself; she was running to break gender barriers.
After a few miles, the race manager, Jock Semple, grabbed her, threw her backwards and attempted to forcibly remove her from the marathon, yelling, "Get the hell out of my race!" Talk about a setback and a huge burden to overcome while you are doing something really difficult already!
Young Kathrine didn't let that stop her. Despite the chaos and the doubt from onlookers challenging "What are you trying to prove?", she powered through, becoming the first woman to officially finish the Boston Marathon. Her perseverance and willingness to face adversity to defend her values are remarkable. I can only imagine what she must have been feeling.
One choice that makes her an incredible leader is that, instead of holding onto bitterness (and rightly so), she turned her aggressor into an ally. She transcended centuries’ old biases and became friends with Semple. She kept telling him for years that he’d see the light, until in 1972 he accepted women as official participants in the Boston marathon.
Kathrine's journey didn't end at that finish line; that moment was just the beginning of a true leader’s career. She dedicated her life to empowering women and help them believe in themselves and set more ambitious goals. She launched the inspiring nonprofit, 261 Fearless (her number at that first marathon), to help women thrive by making healthy, sustainable changes through running.
But here's the real sign of an incredible leader: where others just see challenges, Kathrine sees opportunities. A friend (now CEO of her company) comments of her that she meets every person eye-to-eye, listens intently, and ignites a fire within them. She's proof that when you work cooperatively and with empathy, you can turn adversaries into allies and obstacles into stepping stones.
And, she continued to run marathons for over five decades (!), even won the New York City Marathon in 1974. She ran a marathon at 70 to celebrate 50 years of that first pivotal event. Wow! I could not be more in awe of this woman. Especially as I heard myself tell my 12 year old son this week that I would be running when I am 95 (and then thinking I was crazy for believing that!). 😉
Reading Katrine’s story makes me question whether my next goal is too small for me- in exercise, but also in business. I know I hold myself back with my beliefs. I know that as a woman raised in a patriarchal and abusive system I have absorbed the message that others (especially men) are better than me and that my horizons are limited. It’s easier at times to believe others than myself. And it is only I who can change this, through engaging in hard work and facing my shortcomings.
I have come a long way in that journey of rediscovering myself and my potential, and reclaiming my power to change myself and the world. I have more skill now and am able to face more and more challenges and succeed. I recognise my achievements and celebrate them.
And yet, I wonder… am I setting too small goals for myself still?
I believe I am, time to reconsider and dream big. 🌟
I am wondering how this story lands in you? Please do add comments to get a conversation going. I’d love to hear your stories. I am in no way a militant feminist and believe in empowering everybody. I raised my daughter as much. asI could to believe in herself. And my boys as well. And I raised them to respect everyone. I do believe that the systems we come from and still have are oppressive to both men and women and both suffer. So, I try to respect everyone so that a new paradigm away from polarities and division can start being a reality.
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About me
If you are new to this newsletter, welcome. I am a neuroscientist and certified Nonviolent Communication trainer (amongst other things).
I run Bright Communication; a leadership development company committed to building a more sustainable and compassionate world. Our mission is to help leaders, managers and organisations develop the empathic leadership skills necessary to fulfil the promise of the Global Goals.