What We Create Inside, We Carry Out
Your presence shapes the room
Two weekends ago, I spent two days in nature with a small group doing yoga, journaling and mindful introspection.
On the morning of the second day, a friend shared something that echoed something I know to be true and truly stand by:
“What we create inside, we carry out into the world.”
She describe how she felt a deep sense of joy within herself after all the work we had done on the first day. She reflected on how her inner state had carried into the world already. She went to someone’s home for dinner that evening and felt the room shift as soon as she came in full of joy. A joyful evening for all.
In Spanish we have a verb for this, meaning 'to contagiate,' same root as contagion. It's meaning is close to getting affected, rubbed off by someone else's mood. The word ‘spreading’ doesn't quite capture the contagion effect of our inner states on others.
We know this is possible and yet, so often we forget how our presence shapes the environment.
Our inner state is contagious
Science is finally catching up to what we’ve always known.
We love being around people who “make us feel good” and avoid the Eeyores—those gloomy souls with a cloud permanently overhead.I think we all have at least one Eeyore in our lives
You may have felt it when you walk into a tense meeting already frazzled, watching that tension spread. (Mass hysteria is real!)
Or when you’ve shown up calm and present, how that steadiness creates space for others and seems to touch everyone invisibly, but tangibly.
Our inner state matters; it can have tremendous power.
How you show up can change a room in an instant.
We’re constantly broadcasting. And we “vibe” with each other.
I see this in every client I coach, every workshop I teach. And it was most vivid at that retreat. Each person naming their own version of the same recognition:
We influence each other profoundly.
The people you surround yourself with matters.
Are you a person others want to be have around?
What Actually Gets Created Between Us?
Throughout the weekend, people kept describing connection. Oneness. Feeling truly held, listened to, accepted.
We’re wonderfully unique, and yet so universally and humanly the same. When we show up authentically from a steady centre, others are positively affected.
In the closing circle share, I mentioned something that impacted me from my interview with Dr. Daniel Siegel (coming soon): neuroscientists are finally naming what we’ve always felt.
They are calling it neural synchronisation. It is at the source of great collaboration. It is at the root of collective intelligence and team flow. Our brains link up, especially when we hold a purpose together.
When we show up with genuine care for each other, our brain patterns actually sync (Jiang et al., 2015). This can happen within 30 seconds! When it does, teams access something no individual could—the capacity to integrate different perspectives and solve problems that need more than one mind.
Something gets created between us when we’re genuinely present together. The neuroscience can blow your mind, even though we all know it happens.
We are in an exciting new era where these concepts which would have been shunned earlier are now being proved and becoming mainstream. And they explain that gentle power of influence through presence that many of us have known or experienced.
Dr. Daniel Siegel has come up with a word, “mwe,” to describe this thing that happens when “we” and “me” connect together; the group mind that seems to be created.
I find it incredibly exciting, all this new vocabulary being invented to describe humans at their best, in community functioning as a unit.
Our brain seems to have developed to expect community and collaboration.
Mirror neuron networks help us understand each other’s intentions without words, they help us learn quickly, copy each other and accelerate learning from each other.
Our nervous systems sense and respond to each other’s states, no doubt about it. This is co-regulation—one regulated nervous system helping another find balance. If you want to learn more, read How to Lead Through Collective Dysregulation).
What my friend experienced spreading ripples of joy wasn’t magic and she didn’t make it up. Her joy rippled outwards, from inside her. Her work had brought her a joy that made the world a better place in a very tangible and most enjoyable way.
Don't let these special moments to influence the room positively pass you by! And do take care of your inner state, so that you can avoid the damaging effects you may not even be noticing now.
How We Create those Ripples of Positive Influence
During the retreat, there were lots of precious moments dedicated to connecting more deeply with myself. Journaling, yoga, meditation.
Those were the moments that allowed me to have more presence and connection with the external world. From a place of being anchored, I could steadily reach out and take in the world.
From that grounded, calm presence, I could feel the self in the world. I could bring presence to being in nature, and be fed by that expansive feeling we get when we connect with something larger than ourselves. I loved the meditative walks, feeling my own system settling into the rhythm of nature.
And then there were the moments connecting with others. Sharing. Working together. Each person in that circle was finding their own path inward. And all of us together were sharing a purpose—to work on ourselves, to bring ourselves to balance for a more peaceful world.
Not in an echo chamber way. In a resilience way.
When we connect with ourselves, then with each other, and also with something larger than ourselves like Nature, we're meeting many fundamental human needs. To be seen. To belong. To matter. To be inspired. To grow. To get clarity.
And little by little this connectedness with ourselves, others and the world creates the feeling my friend carried into that dinner. Centredness. Connection. Joy. Hope. Openness. Trust.
That is what we can carry into the world. The circles expand: deep connection with yourself, then with one other person, then with the room, then with the larger community.
Like when you touch water. A gentle touch creates ordered ripples. A jarring bang creates disruption, discord.
The most influential and beneficial leadership flows from the inside out.
And that is what we carry into the world.
Life is the Training Ground
In the retreat’s closing circle, someone else said something I’ve felt for years: we’re becoming warriors of light.
Warriors of peace.
When you become that peaceful leader speading clarity and hope, that person who commands a room with calm, not control, the ripples of influence magnify.
Of course, this doesn't happen by chance. It takes training. A lot of patience and deliberate practice.
Your presence changes the environment. And it can mean the difference between joy or tension, escalation or deescalation.
It takes intentionally aiming to connect through a day’s tricky moments.
Use that challenging meeting awaiting you this week. Can you do some work beforehand to get clear? Calm? Composed?
Can you connect deeply with yourself and that person before you even enter the room? Can you show up with trust that you will work things out together?
Can you walk in emanating waves of possibility? Soothing waves of peace and compassion?
That’s where the ripples begin. In you, before you even walk in.
The Blessing of Growing in Community
This weekend, I felt doubly blessed.
Blessed to be in a circle of people open to getting ever more familiar with themselves, with radical self-compassion.
And doubly blessed because, unlike many of them for whom spaces like these happen only once a year, I experience them regularly and feel the benefits often.
I’ve created a way for all of us to have this connectedness consistently. I host a community shaped like a town, the LEAP community. A dojo for peaceful warriors to grow together and keep renewing those vibes we send out.
The LEAP community is a place where you can be as you are. Where you can bring the issues you cannot bring elsewhere. Where we prepare ourselves to face the world, armed with tools. Where we hold each other and strengthen each other.
The ripples of change you want to create in the world start with you, and within me. And as I;ve said before, no one can do it alone.
And it’s so much more fun when we are together!
Special invitation: Come see what we’re creating together.
I’m holding two special live gatherings next week where you can experience what we do together at LEAP. I’ll give you a tour of the community town we’re building, while you learn and connect.
Lunch & Learn: How to Prepare for Difficult Conversations. Tuesday, February 24th, 12:30-13:00 GMT: Lunch & Learn (20 mins) + Community Tour after (10 min). Register here for Lunch & Learn.
Ask Nati Anything Q&A. Monday, March 2nd, 18:00 GMT-18:30: Ask Nati Anything Q&A (20 min) + Community Tour (10 min). Register here for Q&A.
Bring your toughest leadership question. Get live coaching. See how the community feels and works.
To get access to the LEAP Community Foundation Circle become a paid Substack subscriber for access (annual membership you get 2 months off).
About me
I’m an executive coach, Nonviolent Communication trainer with a neuroscience background (MSc UCL) helping purpose-driven leaders transform how they show up under pressure. I bring together neuroscience research and emotional intelligence to develop what I call regenerative presence—the capacity to lead with both wisdom and heart during difficult moments.
References
Jiang, J., et al. (2015). Leader emergence through interpersonal neural synchronization. PNAS, 112(14), 4274-4279.
Shehata, M., et al. (2020). Team flow is a unique brain state associated with enhanced information integration and interbrain synchrony. eNeuro, 7(5).